i wish i had the ambition to save the empire
2001-05-20 at 1:41 p.m.

i don't really want to write anything right now.

but i will add a few updates so that i can remember what the hell has been going on in my life.

on friday i called up mike and he came over and watched the empire strikes back with me.--something about that movie just makes it hard for me to concentrate on anything else. i think it's because i start thinking about how my life is meaningless because i am not doing anything to save the empire...or world..

it was a good night. we just watched the movie. drank a few beers. talked about music while sitting on the kitchen counter. i danced on the floor to mason jennings. he laughed. very good.

though at a point-when i was pulling out all of my tapes and cd's that i have here i felt a bad feeling in my body. i think i was showing off. i wanted to play for him all of this great music that i knew he would love...but it felt like i was just trying to show him all my great taste in music. that's not cool. i hate having to play games. i had liked the fact that when i was with him i didn't ahve to play games...but there i was. and it just pissed me off. so after that i was in a kinda weird mood.

so around 1 he had to leave. while he was putting on his shoes i said

"i think it's very impressive that we've had a whole night together and haven't made out once."

he says: "yeah. quite impressive"

me: "shows that it's not just a physical thing. though usually when we make out you hiccup at some point."

him: "are you implying that i'm usually drunk when we're making out?"

me: "no....but it can make a girl wonder."

him: "you're a nerd barb."

his shoes on he walks to the door and on his way kisses me on the forehead. he opens the door and i grab my heart and say "oh. kiss on the forehead and he leaves. ouch."

he's already partly out of the door at this point and he opens the door back up and says: "oh. did you want a different kiss."

me:"yes." and so he come back in and we kiss for a few minutes and then he leaves.

kissing's fun. yup.

so saturday.....went into town w/ chrissy. hit paperchase(love love love love love paperchase. i got some paper for making mix tapes. miss erin-you would get into serious trouble there. seriously.)hit camden(got monkey change purse).went to japan in the park(got new chopsticks. v good ones)came home. drank wine and played cards with chrissy. went to bed. got woken up at 5am by joe(mike's roomate) who was on his way home with a bunch of people from a club. soooooo loud that boy is. argh. went back to bed and then am now at uni checking e-mail and wasting time.

think i'll go for a walk along the river. mike might coem with me. he's in the lab writing a paper. lets hope he does and that i can act myself around him. no games.